The New Rules of Friendship, a new book by Chris Carey We’re taught how to build resumes, not relationships.
You mean to call. You mean to visit. Yet you rarely do. Seven rules and a companion workbook to help you find your way back to the people you miss.
The New Rules of
FRIENDSHIP
How to Build Lasting Connections in a World Designed for Loneliness
Early praise
What readers are saying
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Midlife has a way of stripping away the structures we once relied on to define our lives, and friendship is often one of the first things we realize we’ve taken for granted. Chris Carey has written the playbook for that moment. This book is a thoughtful, practical, and deeply human exploration of how we can intentionally build the relationships that sustain us.
Chip Conley New York Times bestselling author and founder of Modern Elder Academy
The problem nobody names
The friendships that matter rarely end by choice.
They fade while we’re not looking.
You move. They have a kid. A season of work swallows a year. It rarely feels like a loss while it’s happening. Then life throws you a curveball and you lie awake at 2 a.m. wondering who would actually take your call.
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12%
of Americans say they have no close friends, up from 3% in 1990
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49%
have three or fewer close friends, up from 27% in 1990
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7 rules
to put it back together
Loneliness is the gap between the relationships you want and the ones you actually have.
Inside the book
Seven rules for adult friendship.
They’re not commandments. They’re the things I wish someone had handed me ten years ago, when I needed them most.
- 01 You’re not broken. You just weren’t taught this. You didn’t fail at friendship. You were just never taught how.
- 02 Friendship requires intentionality. Friendship doesn’t happen by accident anymore.
- 03 Be the friend you wish you had. Who would be your 2 a.m. call, and whose 2 a.m. call can you be?
- 04–07 The other four rules are in the book. Plus, every copy includes a link to download the free companion workbook, so you can put the rules into practice. Help support this book!Support the book
Free PDF download
The Friendship Audit
Before you can rebuild, you have to see where things really stand. The Friendship Audit is a short, honest look at your closest relationships and where the gaps are. Enter your email and I’ll send it your way.
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Praise
Endorsements & early readers
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If you've ever felt lonely or that your friendship group was a bit … meh, then this book will help. Be the person who creates friendships that you (and they) will love.
Michael Bungay Stanier Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The Coaching Habit -
We keep trying to fit friendship into the leftovers of a busy life. Chris makes the case that it was never going to fit, then walks us through building a life that has a space for it.
Jayson Gaignard Founder of MasterMind Talks and author of Community Made -
Midlife has a way of stripping away the structures we once relied on to define our lives, and friendship is often one of the first things we realize we’ve taken for granted. Chris Carey has written the playbook for that moment. This book is a thoughtful, practical, and deeply human exploration of how we can intentionally build the relationships that sustain us.
Chip Conley New York Times bestselling author and founder of Modern Elder Academy
About Chris
I once believed I was a good friend.
Then as circumstances changed some friendships were lost while others were strained. I had been taking friendship for granted and I found myself isolated and longing for connection. This isn’t a book from a friendship expert. It’s a book from someone who got it wrong, wants to get it right, and is inviting you to come along.
More about Chris
From the blog
Articles from Connection Playbook
Chris Carey’s newsletter on building and keeping real friendships as an adult.
He Could Have Brought Anyone
What a Minneapolis band reminded me about paying attention to your friends
Read the article-
We Stopped Asking The neighborly decline, and the rule about asking for help that I had backwards my whole life -
Where Did All the Dance Clubs Go? And what we lost when they disappeared. -
It was never about catching fish Fishing has never been my thing, and ice fishing sounded worse. Then a friend with a cabin on our lake flipped it on me. It was never about the fish.
Get new articles by email
Free, from Chris’s Substack.
Coming November 2026
One text. That’s the whole first step.
Think of one person you’ve been meaning to reach out to, and send them a message today. Then, if you’d like to help support this book before it launches, sign up below.