Are We Good?

I haven’t heard from my neighborhood friends in a while, and I keep wondering: Is this just winter in Minnesota, or did I do something?

Bill Burr has this bit about worry and anxiety that’s been stuck in my head:

You’re gonna be fine. And even if you’re not gonna be fine, isn’t it better to just exist thinking you’re gonna be fine, until it’s not fine?
And then when it’s not fine, then you can just fuckin handle it then.
There’s no sense to ruin it right now, right?

Every winter up here, we all retreat. The bags games stop. The outdoor hangs disappear. And every spring, we pick back up like nothing happened. History would indicate this is perfectly normal.

And yet I’m still running disaster scenarios.

Instead of maintaining the friendship, I’m manufacturing anxiety about whether it still exists. I’m borrowing trouble from a future that probably isn’t coming.

But there’s a third option between “assume you’re fine” and “handle it when it’s not fine.”

You could just ask.

I could text right now. “Hey, we good?” Either I get confirmation and stop wondering, or something actually needs addressing. Either way, I’m not carrying this anymore.

Most friendship anxiety isn’t about real problems. It’s about hypothetical ones we’re too afraid to confirm or dismiss.

So maybe the question isn’t whether you’re gonna be fine?

Maybe it’s whether you’d rather keep worrying or just find out.