Do you have close friends?

I came across a chart this week that showed the percentage of adults who said they had no close friends.

As I was reviewing the data I started thinking about my own life, and a question crept in that I wasn’t expecting…

Do I have any close friends?

Not because the answer is no, but because “close” is doing some heavy lifting in that question.

I have people who know just about everything about me. People who share my values, who I’d trust with anything. But many of them live far enough away that we connect way less than I’d like.

And then there are people in closer proximity who I genuinely enjoy spending time with, but the relationship hasn’t reached that deeper level yet.

So how would I answer that survey question? Yes or no?

I don’t think it’s that simple. I think most of us live somewhere on a spectrum of closeness. Some friends know your soul but you rarely see them. Others you see all the time but the conversation stays on the surface. The research asks a binary question, but real life is messier than that.

And once I started thinking about it this way, I realized something. The gap I feel isn’t about whether I have close friends. It’s about the distance between where my friendships are and where I want them to be. The friends who are farther away, they're not across the country. They're a 30-minute drive I keep avoiding. And the ones who are nearby? They're a deeper conversation I keep not starting. Both just take a little more intention than I've been giving them.

So I’ve identified a place to get started.

I play hockey twice a week. The games are typically pretty late, and my default mode afterward is to change and get home as quickly as possible.

But lately I’ve been thinking about what I’m leaving on the table. There are a couple guys in that locker room I’d like to know better. People who seem like they could become real friends. And every time I rush out, I’m choosing comfort over connection.

This week, I’m going to stay five minutes longer. That’s it. Not a grand gesture. Just five minutes. Enough to ask a question I normally wouldn’t. Enough to let a conversation go somewhere beyond the game.

You might have a version of this in your own life. A room you’re already in where the potential is sitting right there. Maybe it’s worth staying a little longer. Going a little deeper.

See what happens.